Article #167: Gratitude Games for Becoming Happy Thanksgivers

Greetings, Gratefuls!

It's back! The American Holiday inspired by perhaps our greatest and most grateful president, Abraham Lincoln.

The great-full news is that what got him through his severe depression, two bankruptcies and five lost elections to make it to the White House is the same thing that will work to get us out of bed and moving ahead today - Gratitude!

For those who are ready to feel good and stay positive no matter what, I've found two wonderful games for having a Happy ThanksGiver Day every day:

The GratiGames:

1) Wake up every day and do a GRATITUDE STREAM with the person you're riding to school or work with or sharing your first cup of coffee with. This means that one person starts (usually the person with the longest hair) and you simply go back and forth three to five times. The results are simply amazing! Zach is now 14 and we've been doing this for seven years. It takes two minutes is all, because one of us (usually me) begins with, "Gratitude Stream! Who wants to go first?"

Although he very rarely, says, "I don't want to do it today," he has never said he doesn't want me to do it.

Most mornings we both share 3-5 gratitudes (sometimes in Spanish and French!) from the past 24 hours and feel the results immediately. But there's one more rule - no repeats! If you're grateful for sunshine tomorrow, you're done with sunshine for life. Keep it fresh!

2) The second recipe for being a "Happy Thanksgiver" is perfect for starting a class in school or a meeting or even going on a long car trip. It's a GRATITUDE DRILL.

Get the group in a circle. Each person (can be done in groups of up to 6 or 8) has three seconds to come up with a new gratitude (no repeats!). It's very fast- paced and gets the adrenalin flowing in a really good direction. You start out grateful for the big things and end up being grateful for the small things - like the fact that the next kleenex always seems to pop up!

Do these games really "work?"

Recently, a young woman at a homeless shelter admitted that when I started coming to share my inspirational messages each week, she thought, "Nobody can be that happy."

Four months into her recovery from alcohol and 16 sessions of Gratituding and FGHing, she approached me. "I want to apologize for thinking you were a fake," she began. "Now I know it is possible to be that happy. I am that happy!"

As I remind Key-Mailers on my Gratitools CD, remember the words of Zig Ziglar, "You've never met an ungrateful person who was happy, nor have you ever met a grateful person who was unhappy!'"

Gratefully,
Mary Kay

Letter from a Principal Who Lives Gratitude!!!

Dear Mary Kay,
Once again thank you for the great day at the retreat yesterday. One piece of the experience that I really appreciated was that my Mom was there.

She was diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago and is now going through chemo. She is one of the most positive people that I know but this has been tough. She need affirmation and she got that with you!

I didn't like that you asked me to share aloud, but I think it was good for her to hear some of the things I am doing. The gratitude legacy she started with me does continue. Here are some of the things I do to uplift our students:

The Bully Game

Kill them with kindness. I had the opportunity to fill in for a teacher who was absent and teach her character education class. Students were learning about bullying and respect and had performed some canned role plays with situations that middle school students often face.

Some of them were feeling pretty cocky about their bullying expertise so I challenged them. "I'm looking for someone who can come up and keep being mean to me no matter what I say or do to them." Three people volunteered and came up one by one and tried to bully me.

In response to their comments, I complimented them or said kind things about their family or friends. All three kids lost the challenge. One of the kids said, "Liam could do it." I asked who they meant and they identified one of their classmates who was in another class. They told me he could be mean to me no matter what and that he even swears when he bullies people.

So the next day I came back to class with Liam in tow. We did the same thing in front of the class. Once again I told Liam that he could say anything, even swear at me. He started in and once again I complimented him and his family. He kept talking and I said something positive about the Texas Longhorns, who the kids had told me that he loved, and he quit and talked about the Longhorns. (It works every time!)

My message to the kids is even the biggest bully backs down when you are kind because what everyone really wants is someone to listen to them and notice them.

Gratitude Surveys

Last spring when I found out that I got this principal job, I created surveys for students and staff. The surveys asked question such as things they liked about the school, recommendations for change, leaders in the school, and teachers who had made a difference in their lives.

I tallied the surveys and wrote out the compliments for each teacher giving them a copy of what kids said about them before the end of the year. (The interesting thing was that all but two teachers had students who wrote about them and those two were not classroom teachers. I just called a couple of kids and asked for positives about them and then every teacher got a note.)

Last summer I spent a week meeting with 10 identified student leaders from each grade. During those meetings I talked to kids about what they had said. I asked for their input on how we should change the identified challenges.

At the meeting, I told them that creating a positive aura in the building was a must for me. I explained some things that I would be doing such as putting up optimism displays and learning every student's name.

I also told them that I wrote lots of notes and I might walk up to them and hand them a piece of paper or thank you and ask them to write a note to someone.

So far, I have had the leaders write a note to another student and to an adult in the building. The incredible thing is that other students have come in and asked for paper or note cards too. One student who is known for his misbehavior in school came in and asked if I had an "I'm sorry" card. He took more that one of the note cards.

The Little Engine That Could

One last story you might be able to share: There is a kid in school, I'll call him JJ, that's really special to me. He and I have known each other for many years and I have coached him since he was little. He hasn't always had a positive attitude.

Two years ago our basketball team made it to the state tournament for the first time in 30 years. The parents put together a community pep rally and my job was to get gifts for all of the players. The gift I gave JJ was the book The Little Engine that Could.

I explained when I presented it that he was getting it because a few years ago in baseball he kept using the word "can't" at practice. Being a counselor as well as a coach, I brought a copy of the book to practice and told him that if I heard the word again I would make him read the book to the whole team. I kept the book in my car all summer. So now, years later, he was getting his own book.

Last year we made it to state again and one day I was at school and he asked if I was giving presents at the pep rally that year. I said no but I would see that he got a present before state. I knew that my son had a deal with JJ about playing well. He bet him a dollar every game that he would have a good game. So, I gave JJ an envelope with $3.00 in it and a note that said, "Here is a dollar for every good game you will have at state."

At state JJ had his highest scoring game of the year and was awesome on defense.

The Hug

This year, as principal I have had the opportunity to get to know him better. One night after a football game I congratulated him with a hug after the game and he asked if it was OK to hug the principal. I told him of course.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago I had to suspend one of my son's best friends for fighting. It was a very difficult thing for me to do. JJ was in the office at the time and could tell how tough it was. As I stood in the hallway waiting for the fighter to get his things and leave JJ came up and gave me a big hug and said, "I thought you needed that!"

An attitude of gratitude does make a difference! Thanks for reinforcing it to me and so many others. I would like you to come back to our school to talk to the students and staff.

Thanks again,
Cindy

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© 2005 Mary Kay Mueller